Why We Are Perfect (For Each Other)

Backstory: last week Sweet Dub and I caught part of the latest George Lopez comedy special on…HBO, or one of those premium channels we pay too much for. During his routine, he called out this guy in the front row and put the camera on him. Dude had a tattoo of George Lopez’s FACE on his upper arm. Serious stan.

Later that week, for no reason at all:

Mama Blah: I am going to get a tattoo of Kanye West’s face.
Sweet Dub [as if this is perfectly reasonable]: Where?
Mama Blah: Across my forehead. Would you be okay with that?
Sweet Dub [not missing a beat]: Only if you call him K-Weezy.

You see why I can never leave him, right?

The Next Chapter?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but one thing that seems to be a constant in the Blah Blah world is Change. We seem frequently to be adjusting to some major life upheaval, and sometimes more than one at the same time. This has been a pattern pretty much since I met Sweet Dub, lo some nine years ago. (We met, I started a new job, I hated the new job, I quit the new job, I moved in with him, he proposed, we got married. And that was just the first year! In year two I had a cancer scare, surgery and then got pregnant! )

Now, we’ve just moved for the second time in a year. And you’d think I’d just want things to simmer down and be status quo for a bit. But I have to tell you: change is in the air.

I’m not enjoying what I do right now. Hm. How to explain it. Do any of you remember a children’s book called Beyond the Pawpaw Trees*? The heroine of the book, Anna Lavinia, misses her father, who is a dreamer and is missing for part of the book because he is off chasing rainbows. (I know, it sounds horrible and treacly, but truly I loved it and even as a kid I had no patience for pap, so bear with me as I am not doing it justice.) At any rate, at one point Anna Lavinia is eating oatmeal and juxtaposing in her mind how most people would say “Eat because you are hungry,” while her father would say “Eat because it is fun!” and she looks at her bowl and decides she is finished eating because once her spoon (which stood up in the oatmeal) had fallen over, the oatmeal wasn’t fun anymore.

Well, that’s how I feel. It’s not fun. And the things I want to do are so different from what I am doing, and I’m feeling kind of ecch. And blah. And blech. And all kind of how do I get there from here, and where do I find the time, and by the way I have bills to pay and kids to raise, and what about that husband of mine, maybe I should pay attention to him just a little bit so he doesn’t run off into the night, and honestly what are you thinking anyway, work is work and no one said it would be fun, and yeah.

Furthermore, and just to put it all out on the table, I hate all my clothes and I’m considering cutting my hair (this is partly because I’ve been unable to find my hair accessories since we moved, except for one lousy ponytail holder that was wrapped around the gear shift in my car).

Yeah, a little bit of existential whining here. What is it all about, what does it mean, why is my stomach so flabby? How is it possible that Ben & Jerry’s could create something that I don’t like**? And what about…Naomi?***


* Holy crap, it’s out of print and the cheapest used copy I can find is $129.99! One seller is listing it at $399.00. WHAT?! (I regret to inform you that my copy was lost when my mom donated all my childhood books after I left for college. Sigh.)

** It made my stomach hurt.

*** The tagline of the classic soap opera parody "Love of Chair" from The Electric Company. I just found out that “Naomi” turns out to be the mother of actors Jake and Maggie Gyllenhall. (According to Wikipedia – so it must be true!)

Tired. And tired of being tired!

As we roll into the Labor Day weekend, I'm looking forward to spending time with my family, gradually unpacking a box here and there, and getting some rest. It will be a weekend tinged with sadness and worry – we just learned that my grandmother has a cancerous mass in her lung and will be having it removed on Tuesday. I'm driving up to see her tomorrow. There are other tests to be done; cat scans show suspicious shadows on her liver and thyroid as well.   So I will be sitting around with a big old "sadness wrapped in anxiety peppered with fear" burrito churning in my stomach this weekend, but I'm trying not to let it overshadow our first real weekend in the new house, and you can say all you want about me being in denial if you want and I won't be mad. I'm trying to focus on something happy, so sue me.   Now, the new house is not without its flaws. I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect house. But in our last house, I felt like we were almost imprisoned in the house. The street was really narrow, the neighborhood was really congested, and I felt like we heard other people's noise constantly. It felt like our neighbors were right on top of us all the time. The new house is in a quiet neighborhood. When I'm inside the house, even with two small and very loud children, nonetheless there is a stillness and a peace that is part of the house. It is a sweet relief. We also have an outside space that is usable, whereas in our old house they had paved and tiled over the backyard to be used for entertaining. New house: grass, and lots of it.   The Blah Blahs love to be outside. Not having a usable outdoor space in Southern California, where it is lovely to be outside 95% of the time, was a little crazy-making. I am looking forward to barbecuing, and challenging Viva to soccer games, and plopping my feet into kiddie pools, and slurping lemonade in a lawn chair. Simple pleasures, my friends.   I am looking forward to Labor Day, and to not working in an office on that day. I am grateful in this economy to have a job at all, and I realize I am blessed. I just need a day to rest and enjoy the simple things. A very safe and simple Labor Day to you and yours.

Completely Bone Tired. And Not in the Way I Like.

We've moved. In the midst of 100-degree heat and horrendous air quality due to the wildfires here in Los Angeles. Dear God, my head hurts.

Posting will remain light as we get settled.