Good Concept, Not So Great Execution

So I blew off a little bit of steam yesterday. I was at work and I was a little pissed off and I didn't have a whole lot of time, so I have no idea whether yesterday's post was even remotely coherent. And what's more, I'm not all that worried about it.

You may have noticed (or not! and it matters not a whit whether you have or not) that I have been on a Grace in Small Things hiatus. Not because I don’t want to appreciate all the small wonderful things in my life. They are there, and participating in GIST was a great exercise to recognize that. But it’s hard to come up with things that are wonderful and great besides my kids and my husband every day (say what you want about my personal limitations), and then that becomes kind of hackneyed and predictable. “Hey, she’s happily married and she loves her kids and she’s saying it AGAIN!” Snore.

I think my default setting is a little snarky, with a side of riled up. And I think that having a space where I can blog about these things lets me blow off steam, which allows me to be better – better at my spousing and parenting and job thing. So mixing the Grace in Small Things in with this blog space was not the best move for me.* It may work for other people.

Don’t worry – this doesn’t mean I’ll be pissed off here all the time. Just that the GIST thing seemed to be messing with the Blah Blah vibe.

At any rate, you know what's a good idea when you're pissed off about something? It's a good idea to channel your fury into something positive. Hence and therefore:

I'm joining Nerd Girl in the 100-pushup challenge! (How's that for a segue?) And I have to say, I'm going to try my damnedest to do it. My problem is that I start off these things with all the best intentions, and then life happens and my good intentions kind of run off the rails. While this is very vexing to me, it might be quite entertaining to you, and you know me, I'm all about the entertainment. (That's me, I'm a giver.)

Do you want to try it? What's the harm? Come on in!

* I’m moving it back over to GIST where it belongs. You are welcome to visit it there.

Lucky Thirteen.

Appreciating, on this thirteenth day of appreciating what I should appreciate:

1. I finally, after MONTHS of not, got my hair cut and colored on Saturday. I feel like a new woman!

2. New red shoes. HOT!

3. A quiet day at the office. I finished drafting my cover article, including sidebars and suggesting which photos to use.

4. Really good news from Sweet Dub's job. Apparently they appreciate him almost (ALMOST) as much as I do.

5. Jon Stewart taking on Jim Cramer. One love, Jon. One love.

Day Twelve. And a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

Here are some small things for which I am grateful:

1. It’s Friday.

2. It’s cool and clear today, and because I am in Los Angeles, that means it’s 63 degrees. I never have to dig my car out of the snow before I go to work. As a Bostonian by birth, I know that is truly a blessing.

3. The Blah Blahs are officially planning a vacation. Destination as yet unknown (planning has just barely begun).

4. I gave a progress report on my foster care project in a meeting today. It was very well-received – staff are excited about all the possibilities of this new program. I am too. Maybe my enthusiasm rubbed off. But my boss and boss’ boss are particularly pleased.

5. I went to the Farmer’s Market at lunch today. There are few things more scrumptious than a fresh strawberry.

Day Eleven. Cheesy and soulful.

Grace in...oh, you know.

1. Brie cheese.

2. And Camembert, too.

3. And focaccia.

4. Soul sides. Because I go to the site and scroll around and inevitably yelp and yip with excitement. I hadn’t been in a while, I admit, and today I was reading back a few posts and YIP! “I LOVE DAVID RUFFIN!” Yeah, it’s like that. Really great artists you may have totally forgotten about. Old soul music is just like home to me. I can’t explain it any other way.*

5. Being told that the EVP where I work (who is a published novelist, and completely anal about language) has been praising my writing talents hither and yon. Wow.

* Ooh! Dionne Warwick! Now there’s an O.D. (Original Diva) for ya. And look at her picture. She looked FABulous.

Day Ten. Belatedly.

Grace in small things:

1. Cily’s been healthy for a few days.

2. Had a great meeting with a VP at work – we brainstormed about a new creative arts program we want to offer to foster kids. He really knows his stuff and is excited we’re trying to do this, and was happy I asked his opinion. I was happy because he really knows his stuff and is excited we’re trying to do this, so he gave me a lot of great ideas. Now I just have to write them up and hammer out a budget. Sweet!

3. Talking with some work friends about massages and pampering yourself and discovered one of our work friends has never been to a spa. (She is only 27, so I’ll cut her a little slack.) The rest of us (there were three of us, late-30s and age 40-moi) were taken aback and insisted she learn how to pamper herself. I then went online and sent her the link to this. You look, too. It’ll relax you just to look at it. Once when I went there I had such a good time talking with my masseuse that she gave me an extra half-hour and then comped the entire massage. And she wouldn’t take a tip! Ah, good times.

4. Vietnamese take-out for dinner. No dishes to wash. Pho sho!

5. Sick, but I can still do push-ups. In sets of ten! Rrrraarrrh!

Day Nine and Feelin’…Meh.

1. Yesterday I was asked to work on some creative projects at work. Today that translated into me writing the cover story for our company newsletter, along with a couple of other articles. That is so much with the coolness!

2. Good and yet not so good: I’ve been watching my money carefully and I was wondering why I had more money in my account than expected – but not enough to really pursue it. Today I was changing purses and I discovered a bill in my purse that I thought I had mailed two weeks ago. Oh, so that’s why I have an extra $779 in my account! Yeah, I’m really tired. It made me laugh at myself.

3. Piggybacking on my husband’s issues with his clothes: I spent ten minutes trying to figure out what to wear this morning. Finding pants that fit, with tops that are warm but not too warm, and coordinating shoes, has become something of a challenge. Where is the grace in this, you ask? Wait for it, wait for it…well, it’s forced me to put together different items in ways I wouldn’t before. Today a random person at work stopped me to compliment me on my outfit. Somehow I made it work. Tune in tomorrow!

4. A friend at work gave me a free tamale this morning. It was yummy. (I see a theme developing here…there’s a lot of free food at work.)

5. Forgot to mention: this weekend Viva was imitating Edna Mode from The Incredibles, with perfect intonation:

“You are ELASTIGIRL! (disgustedly) My GOD, (mimes smacking someone repeatedly) pull - yourself - together!” Hey, she comes by it honestly.

Day Eight. Vinyasa Blah Blah.

1. Relieved to read “Renting still beats buying.” Sweet Dub and I have an ongoing conversation about this since we’re not convinced that a 30-year-mortgage is something we should be struggling to obtain.

2. Today is workout day and I’m actually looking forward to it! I think today might be a yoga day.

3. I discovered this new (to me) singer through the magic of NPR and today I created a Pandora station with similar-sounding artists.

4. My boss called me in to her office today and shut the door. Yikes. No, it turns out people where I work are actually fighting over me and approached her to ask if I could work on a project. She is reluctant to let me do it, but agreed I could work with this other department on one creative project a month. (Backstory: I worked with them on occasional projects as a favor until they hired someone new. Now it turns out they like my writing better. Nice!) I am more than happy to get a break from my routine to do something fun.

5. Despite (or maybe because of) the dire economic news, Sweet Dub and I have been talking about taking a REAL vacation this year. “I’ve been working for twelve years and I’ve only ever taken one real vacation,” Sweet Dub says. You know what? Yeah, life is short. Let’s hit the road!

GIST – Day Seven. Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!

1. I can not tell you how much I am enjoying Big Love this season. The plot twists are ingenious and completely believable. Only two more episodes until the season finale! Criminy! (When is Weeds coming back?)

2. Cily laughs now! I nuzzle her under her chin with my nose and she chuckles and chuckles irrepressibly. If you heard it I think your heart would swell up and burst out of your chest. So yeah, maybe you should stay away.

3. Called my sister and although we chatted for only a few minutes, I automatically felt better when I was talking to her. This is not to say I was feeling bad when I called her, or that we talked about anything particularly noteworthy. I think it is just a sensory thing, hearing her voice.

4. Weeded through Cily’s clothes and put a whole bunch of outgrown outfits in a bag to give away. Pay it forward.

5. Viva put together a rather complicated paper bag puppet show version of American Idol, with a frog, lion, elephant and cow squaring off. She told me she disqualified the elephant because it was a girl. I gave her a pretty stern (for me) lecture about how it’s not right to treat someone differently just because they’re a girl, which she rolled her eyes about. And then for the rest of the day I had “Suffragette City” playing in my head. I know, but that is just how my brain works.

GIST – Day Six. The Weekend Edition.

1. Took Cily for her 4-month checkup and all is well. “What a perfectly shaped head!” her doctor exclaimed. Yes, she is a perfect child. I have the photos to prove it and maybe I’ll post them someday.

2. At the doctor’s office, as we were leaving, we ran into a new mom who gushed fountains over Cily. Her stroller was completely covered and I asked if I could peek in. OH. My. GOD. Her baby boy was only 5 days old. How teeny and sweet and red! It made me all melty.

3. Thai veggie fried rice and fried tofu for lunch. Completely satisfying.

4. Had a “sleepover” with Viva in my room Saturday night. At one point woke up with my big old girl all draped over my right side. She is still a little girl – sometimes I forget that because Cily is so tiny in comparison.

5. We booked a venue for Viva’s birthday party next month. It will be a bowling party with eight other kids. Cute because they have these bumpers that go up so kids can’t roll gutter balls. While I am not crazy about bowling shoes, I do so love the sound the pins make when the ball hits ‘em.

Day Five. Blue skies. And God.

Again with the Grace in Small Things. At least it's making me write every day. If you don't know what on earth I'm talking about, mosey on over here.

1. Mini oatmeal chocolate chip cookies from Trader Joe’s. I mentioned that I’ve been working out, right?

2. An impromptu rooftop lunch with a friend at work. We work a couple of miles from downtown Los Angeles, and the sky is clear and blue after the rains yesterday. The downtown skyline looks amazing from the roof.

3. The dad of Viva's classmate emailed me for professional advice. I am always taken aback when someone considers me an expert in my field – and then I realize I’ve been doing this for nearly 15 years (WHAT?!). Kind of nice that people seek me out.

4. It’s Casual Friday and I am wearing my comfiest jeans! (No, not the ones with the hole in the knee.) To dress it up a little bit since I am at work, I’m wearing a cashmere sweater with a seersucker blazer thrown over that. Ahhh….

5. Bowled over by Viva asking us last night at dinner to take her to church. This led to an interesting and thoughtful discussion at the table about what church to go to. We are Methodists but rarely go to our church. We do talk quite a bit about spiritual matters and I think Viva’s spiritual education is going to kick a bit more into high gear this year. I am pleased about this, because it forces me to sit and really think about what I believe and what I want to pass on to her.

Day Four. Thursday Thoughts on Grace.

1. Reason #567 to love my husband: he's been making sure I get uninterrupted time to work out in the evening.

2. 3:30am and I should be asleep, but I have Cily, wide awake next to me on the bed, skootching as close to me as possible so that when I open my eyes, her giant brown eyes are staring into mine, and she gurgles, and smiles, and grabs my face with her chubby little hand and squeezes my cheek, and I just have to learn to accept the sleep deprivation.

3. Reading Hope for the Flowers (which Amazon lists as for Grade 7 and up) with Viva, and realizing she’s really reading – we are alternating reading pages aloud, and she really gets it. When she gets to an unfamiliar word she pauses and she sounds it out and keeps going, and it is like she suddenly hit warp speed with the reading. She is awesome. She is Five, Hear Her Roar.

4. Making my work friends laugh hysterically as I show them my hip hop moves from this workout DVD.

5. Loving this.

Day Three. Sweet, Spanish, Sweaters.

1. Finding inexpensive art for Viva’s bedroom on Etsy.

2. Remembering my umbrella (it was pouring this morning)!

3. Vitamin water (it’s like crack for me)

4. Managing a Spanglish conversation with the parking lot attendant at work - not as hard as I'd thought, and he seemed so pleased.

5. Wearing my favorite comfy green, gold and chocolate sweater.

Day Two. Smiles and starfish.

1. Joy in my two girls every day – watching them cuddle and smile into each other’s eyes this morning. It is beautiful to watch my 5-year-old falling in love with her new baby sister.

2. Rediscovering how good it feels to work out – and rededicating myself to taking care of my body.

3. Being unexpectedly captivated by the new salt water fish tank in the lobby at work. There is a huge (maybe 6 inches across) horned brown and orange starfish on the side of the tank. I’ve never seen anything like it. It is strangely beautiful.

4. Giant bag of hand-me-down baby clothes from a co-worker’s granddaughter, three months older than my little one. A nice surprise, and so thoughtful.

5. The always-in-the-background support of my sweetie pie husband. Appreciated so much more than I can say.