Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Blog Angst

Much has been happening in my personal life and I don’t feel I can share much of it here, although when I sit down to write, that’s all that’s on my mind. Then there’s the larger question: what is the purpose of me writing here? What or who is it for?

When I began blogging many years ago, I did so at the suggestion of some friends (Splooey and Mr. X, and they know who they are). “Blog? What’s a blog?” I said. They knew of my writerly ambitions and thought it would be a good way for me to get started writing regularly, with no pressure. Maybe they thought I would find my voice.

I like to write, and I like to make people laugh. I think I thought blogging might help me write some humorous essays, a la David Sedaris or something. Maybe. But all I know is I’m not feeling very funny these days, and I’m wondering if it’s because writing is an introspective exercise and when I take a half-second to get introspective, I get depressed.

But when there are these significant lapses between posts, a year later I look back and wonder what happened. Hence, I’m writing this so I can document where I am.

I am exhausted in just about every aspect of my being—physically (we just recovered from a family-wide bout with a nasty stomach virus), mentally, emotionally, the end. I no longer enjoy my work. I still enjoy my kids (most of the time). I miss Sweet Dub because he is in the middle of a manic creative phase right now, trying to launch a new career and get a TV project off the ground. My extended family is a huge mess and I’m trying to stay out of it. Work is really making me unhappy and I feel I have no options for fixing it.

It’s just a rough time.

Follow-up to this post: due to liability issues, one can’t actually tell this prospective employee that she needs to do something about her hair. Total can of worms, and what a shame. She was the top candidate for this job but eliminated from consideration for this one reason. (See the comments section for more info if you'd like.)


Nerd Girl said...

I'm sorry you're going through it right now. Just know that it does - eventually - get better. Kiss those babies, snuggle up to the hubby when you can, and trust their love to get you through.

Take care.

Bridget said...

I think a blog is just for you and when someone else reads it (and enjoys your prose) then that's the bonus. I keep meaning to start one but crap keeps getting in the way.

It's just ebb and flow, right? And when you're in-between the ebb and the flow it just sucks. Know that it will get better. It has to. (At least that's what I keep telling myself!)

Sending a {{{virtual hug}}} to you.

Lisa Blah Blah said...

Many sincere thanks for the support! I am going to tentatively say that it seems things are on the upswing. Hopefully that means I will post more.