So today I go to Nordstrom's at the Grove to return a horrible red sweater that I bought a few weeks ago. I bought said sweater to wear for our family Christmas portrait.
What's that, you say? You never received a copy of our family Christmas portrait?
Well, sweetie, that's because there is no family Christmas portrait. And there ain't no damn Santa Claus, either!
Getting back to my story: so I went to Nordstrom's, where they are so swanky that they have a pianist tickling the ivories every day as part of their store atmosphere. The nubile young thing in the Horrible Sweater department quickly and efficiently processed my return, and then said, half to me and half to her co-worker, "Oh my God, I can't believe the piano player is playing a Gwen Stefani song!"
Stupid me. I said, "What?"
She said, "That Gwen Stefani song, 'If I Was a Wealthy Girl.'"
I said, "Um, well, you know, it's a remake? The original song is from Fiddler on the Roof?"
Oh. My. God.
Hey nineteen, that's 'retha Franklin
She don't remember
The Queen of Soul
Hard times befallen
The sole survivors
She thinks I'm crazy
But I'm just growing old...
She probably doesn't know who Steely Dan is, either.