Thursday, September 07, 2006

I am Sam, Sam I am


The city of Los Angeles had been overrun by giant prehistoric marauding bears. I looked at my watch* and realized I was late leaving work to pick up Viva. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law had come to pick me up at work (due to the marauding bears?) and we drove through the city toward Viva’s school, but we kept getting diverted through various detours, because there were large mobs running through the streets with lengths of pipe, sticks, and baseball bats (presumably to beat down the marauding bears). Finally, my mother-in-law pulled into the parking lot of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in her dark-green convertible**, which we were driving in with the top down***, and parked the car.

“What are you doing?” I shrieked. “We are miles from where we need to be!”

“No, no, no,” my mother-in-law insisted. “Isn’t Viva’s school right around the corner?”

“NO,” I said. “We passed it already. Shit! Now I am more than an hour late to get her.”

“That’s it, I’m gone,” said Diva, my sister-in-law. “I’m going home.”**** She started walking away. We both yelled after her that she was being crazy.

I turned back to my mother-in-law to tell her we needed to get back in the car and try and head back toward Hollywood, and I woke up.

Right next to my bed, floating crazily into my face, was Viva’s huge happy face balloon, which she’s had for two weeks and has lost much of its air and now floats around the house ghoulishly looking too much like Jack Skellington for comfort. I almost had a heart attack.

* Oddment #1, since I never wear a watch. Who wears a watch? If you carry a cell phone, a watch is completely irrelevant.
** Oddment #2, since in reality she drives a cream-colored hard top Lincoln Continental.
*** Oddment #3, since hello? Marauding prehistoric bears! Why was the top down?
**** Oddment #4, since she lives 30-some miles away, had no means of getting there, and hello? Marauding prehistoric bears!


I just overheard one of our clients coming out of a meeting with her case manager, saying “…even though my social worker says I’m going to get my baby back. I mean, I don’t think I’m a mean mother…”

That just breaks my heart.


I’m seeing a lot of ankle boots paired with dresses these days among those who should know better have no more sense than a bag of dirt. This is not a good trend. The only person who ever pulled them off was Pat Benatar and Cheesus Christ, how long ago was that?

I am officially going on record as saying no to this fad and hoping it goes away. Thus have I said it, let it be so.


Cee in SF said...

Is it wrong that I picture prehistoric maurading teddy bears? Worn fur, mismatched eyes, sharp claws?

Although I have a cell, I wear a watch. I refuse to turn my cell on unless I need to.

I echo saying no to ankle boots. Too Mainey.

BTW, my verification word is pizoo. Hee hee.

Lisa Blah Blah said...

Pizoo! And I reply, ssjmsnio!

Ever since I became a mama blah, my cell is always on. I hardly ever use it, except to call Sweet W when I'm running late, or to check the time.

Thanks for the Mainey reference. I'd forgotten about her and at first thought you were referring to the state where the lobster is king. Prehistoric marauding lobstahs! In ankle boots!