Tuesday, March 23, 2010


In direct contrast to the last couple of posts, today’s post is a bit fluffier. Think cotton candy. Sprinkled with just a light dusting of exasperation. Read on…

Well hey, it's that time of year again. What’s that, you say? Well, it’s Viva’s birthday! (Almost.) She will be seven in just nine more days – that’s right, she’s an April Fools baby. So I sent out birthday party invitations by email to some friends, and one emailed me back that she won’t be able to make it but by the way, she ran into the mom of one of Viva’s bestest besty friends in the whole world at the farmer’s market last weekend and the mom asked my friend to give me her phone numbers and call her because bestest besty friend misses her so much.

If they are bestest besty friends, you ask, why are we not in touch?

I’m so glad you asked. Viva and her friend (let’s call her BeBe) used to attend preschool together and were inseparable, and then her mom elected to take her out of private school and put her in a charter school. I’m not mad at that – if I could get Viva into a charter or magnet school, I would probably do the same.*

What I am mad at, and long-time readers (all two of you! Hi there!) may remember this, is that two years ago, we had decided to let Viva pick one friend to take to Disneyland for her birthday, and naturally Besty Best was that friend. I ran it by BeBe’s mom first, and told her no pressure, she didn’t have to decide right away. But I made it clear that we would pay for both of them to go with us for the whole day, and that food/treats/etc. were all part of the deal. Basically all they had to do was show up. And then I called her. And I called her. And she never took my calls. And I never heard back.

And you know, try explaining that to your 5-year-old. She was very upset, and I was all mama bear furious. (How dare you snub my kid? At least have the decency to call and say you can’t go, for whatever reason - make something up if you have to, for heaven's sake.) We ended up taking my sister and nephews and had a lovely time, despite my morning sickness and fatigue.

At any rate, I know what I should do. I should do the right thing, do what would make my kid happy, right? I should suck it up and call her. I know that. I just don’t want to!

* Just found out Viva got waitlisted for second grade at a charter school for the second year in a row. She is number 83 on the list. I love public school,** oh yes, I do.

** I’m not being sarcastic, I really do love public school. I just wish the ones in L.A. weren’t so hit and miss. And that the school-year schedule made sense for parents who work full-time and have no family support. I can’t really have my kid out of school for three weeks at a time at Christmas.


Bridget said...

IMHO, I think the title of your post is right on the money. Avoidance. I would avoid this mom like the plague. Anyone who can't call you back about something as big (and personal) as a birthday party at Disneyland has some issues. (And I do remember that post, too!)

My girls are a smidge older than yours and over these past recent years I have just begun to ditch people like Besty Best friend and their parents like there's no tomorrow. And by "ditch" I mean I just don't invite, etc. anymore. When we run into them we are friendly and cordial and happy to see them but I leave it at that. I've just had it with their insensitivity and rudeness. Do my kids miss out sometimes? Possibly. But thankfully, they're able to adjust and open up to new friends and I think it's because they've been disappointed by these people as much as I have.

Again, it's just my experience but it's working better for me — so I'm stickin' with it. ;-)

Lisa Blah Blah said...

Bridget, I know, I know. If it were for myself I would have no problem letting it go and never speaking to her again. But here's the thing: just this morning, out of the blue, Viva mentioned BeBe and said how much she misses her. SERIOUSLY!! This is after two years of not seeing her, and Viva is only 7 years old. I am going to make one last ditch effort for the sake of my baby, and then I am through.

I am assuming that they were going through some kind of tough times back then - the mom did not seem very happy, and she and her husband are small business owners, so maybe they were having financial problems. Who knows - but I am going to address it directly with her when I call. I'm not going to act like it didn't happen! I'm just going to say "I haven't heard from you since we invited you to Disneyland. What happened with that?" and see what she says.

Bridget said...

That sounds like a great plan of action. Your girls have a great mom.

Keep us posted!