Monday, July 17, 2006

Ask a Health Professional Before Use

Sometimes Sweet W is up really early in the morning or really late at night, and this is because he doesn’t require the same amount of sleep as a normal person. Perhaps that last bit isn’t exactly true, because he may require the same amount of sleep as a normal person, but his body simply won’t allow him to sleep for more than five hours at a time. (This is rather bothersome to me, as it means that 95% of the time, when I wake up in the morning, he is not next to me. And I like him. It would be nice to roll over and have him there, snoring softly, half-smiling and dimples flashing.) (Sweet Dub’s mouth naturally turns up at the corners, and he has really deep dimples which show pretty much all the time. These features make him look like he’s a happy-go-lucky guy, as opposed to cynical and full of contempt for his fellow man*.)

Last night, he fell asleep at 9 pm, and woke up at 3:45 am, which is actually a lot of sleep for him. But I tell you this to say that he was up, and turned on the TV at that ungodly hour, and was assaulted by a commercial screaming “Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!” while a pleasantly smiling woman applied what appeared to be a glue stick to her head. I know this because he had the presence of mind to grab the remote control and tape it for me. He only caught part of the commercial, and he played it for me this morning, and we looked at each other in baffled amusement.

“What the hell is it FOR?” he said, which was just as bafflingly amusing, because we all know I’m smart**, but not THAT smart.

Well, my friends, if you haven’t run across the commercial yourselves, Head-On is apparently a headache remedy which is available in fine drug stores across this great land, and even on the Internette. Head On has a fine marketing department which is doing a bang-up job. The product is homeopathic and I have no earthly idea how it works, but their commercial is truly mind-boggling*** and great.

Tune in next time, when I deconstruct the BET Awards. What the hell, they were only what, three weeks ago and I'm just getting around to watching them on my fake TiVo? What do you want from me?

* I don’t think he’s full of contempt for all of his fellow men. Just some of them. And some of the women, too. He’s all equal opportunity like that.

** Yes, we all do know this. It has been independently proven by a team of researchers who have not quite yet published their findings.

*** I just typed mind-bloggling. What does it mean?

4 comments:

Lulu said...

Mind-bloggling. (1) Reading so many blogs of contradictory opinions that one no longer can tell if they ever had their own opinion on the subject at hand.
(2) Reading blogs of such self-important crap and vitriolic spewage, complete with atrocious spelling and non-existent grammar, that one is left partially dumb & blind.
adj. mind-bloggled

Lisa Blah Blah said...

Oooh, lulu, very nice. If I had anything pertinent of value, I'd promise it to you as a prize.

Come to think of it, I do have a dog-eared thesaurus that I got when I was in my freshman year of high school (which was, holy freakin' shit, more than 20 years ago). But then, you clearly don't need it.

Cee in SF said...

I just use a glue stick for my headaches. The fumes serve the same purpose as the fumes from Head On – they knock me out and help me forget about my troubles. I guess I’m really more like sniffing the glue. It’s also probably why I have the headache. I don’t know. My mind is all bloggled.

sploo said...

You should hear The Comedian and his offspring, The Amazing One, do the Head On commercial. They can go on for hours, apparently. After that, I need to apply something directly to my forehead.