Saturday, July 30, 2005

My Synapses are Short-Circuiting

I Don’t Think I Need to Elaborate

I hate potty training and I’m sick of it. There, I said it.

Gratuitous Cuteness, Followed by a Fortuitous Discovery

One of Viva’s many fixations is birthdays. Tomorrow is her Granny’s birthday, and in less than two weeks, it will be my birthday (don’t mention it). So we bought Granny some gifts from Viva yesterday and that is a ridiculous story in and of itself, in that we actually lost the gifts we picked out, but I can’t bear to relive it in all its heated frustration, so…

This afternoon, we are on our way to pick up some tissue paper at the store so we can wrap Granny’s gifts. Viva starts talking about my birthday.

Viva: Your birthday is coming couple weeks? We have to buy you presents!

Mama Blah [somewhat distracted by traffic]: Well, that would be nice.

Viva: And balloons! And cake!

Mama Blah: Hmm. What kind of cake do you think I should have?

Viva: Some lommy cake!

Mama Blah: Salami cake?

Viva: Yeah!

Mama Blah: That’s a very unusual cake. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of having a salami cake before.

Viva: And mushmallow.

Mama Blah: Salami and marshmallow? Now, that is funny. [thinking, "I better write this down or I will forget it, as I forget so many of the priceless things my sweet dumpling says because I am such a horrible mother." I'm paraphrasing here.]

Viva dissolves into laughter in backseat. I search unsuccessfully for a pen to write down “salami cake” (by this point I have pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car).

Mama Blah: Oh my GAH! How can I be a writer and have no pen in my bag or in my car?!

I lean over and go through the door pocket on the passenger side of the car. While I don’t find a pen, I do find: Sweet William’s wedding ring.

[Cue dramatic violin and horn section: duh-dunh-DUNH!]

Okay, it’s not so dramatic, because we knew it was missing. It’s not like he took it off and threw it into the door pocket so he could run amok and have affairs with nubile cuties who think he is unattached...or so he says. He claims to have lost it when he took it off at the beach a couple of months ago, and he claims he put it in one of the pockets of our beach backpack. We searched the backpack and the car to no avail. How weird is that?

Anyway (back to present tense), I am relieved, and call him at once. A nubile cutie answers the phone – I mean, Sweet William answers the phone and tells me he and his cousin Diggity are watching a movie. Mrs. Diggity and kid are out of town, so I’m sure Sweet Willie and Diggity are up to all kinds of shenanigans. Shenanigans! But I don’t mind, because they haven’t seen each other in it seems like forever, and I think he could use some Diggity time.

No diggity, no doubt.

I Need a Job, I’m Out of Work

Do you remember that song by Gary “U.S.” Bonds?* Neither did I, until I was thinking up a title for this part of the post, and it swam up from some scary netherworld in my brain. I think that was trivia better left to the 1980s. It’s making me shudder just thinking about it.

Anyhoo, in the past two days, I have sent out my resume twice. Ack ack ack! And that’s all I’m saying about my employment update. Further bulletins as events warrant.

* I Googled this lyric and discovered it was a Springsteen tune. Can that be? The more I think about it, I guess so. Where did the Gary "U.S." Bonds reference come from?** It boggles the mind.

** I couldn't leave it alone, so I went back to the Internets and found that yes, indeedy, "Out of Work" was Gary U.S. Bonds' last hit single, waaaaaaay back in 1982. Here's his Website, if you're interested. And now, for God's sweet sake, I'll let this one rest.

Book 'Em, Dan-O, Part Deux

Shout out to my pal Splooey, for pointing out that I am impossibly ignorant: indeed, quite possibly too ignorant to live. After reading my last post, she posted a comment to inform me of the online library hold function at the Los Angeles Public Library. I was flabbergasted, and simultaneously, deeply shamed. It's so obvious that I am not meant for this technologically advanced age. What will they think of next? I immediately went online and put 11 books on hold for delivery to one of my local branches. Sweet! Splooey, you rule! (But you knew that already.)

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