Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Hello out there

The beautiful thing about having a blog is it's not compulsory. I am not compelled to write it, and you are not compelled to read it. I am processing some shit these days, and if that means fewer people read my blog because it is not as entertaining as it has been, so be it. I don't mind.

The only thing that works for me is writing. I am not a big believer in therapy. I have tried it, and feel like it hasn't helped much. The last time I went to therapy, I really wanted to get to the bottom of IT. Whatever IT was that made me so screwed up, that kept me from moving forward, that prevented me from living my life as I wanted to live it. I decided that I was really going to commit to it this time. And thus, I stuck with a therapist with whom I felt no real bond, and I nonetheless tried to work out my shit, doing a lot of journaling, joining a writer's group, taking care of myself. And I felt like I made a lot of progress, so I told my therapist, "I don't think I need to come here anymore." His response: "I think you should come twice a week."

I told this same therapist that my motivation for doing something (and unfortunately, I can't remember the context) was that I was trying to be a better person. And he said, "So that's important to you? That you feel 'better' than, or superior to, other people?"

People, I merely gaped at him in astonishment.

I'm trying to be a better person than myself. That is hard enough; I don't need to try to be better than everyone else out there on top of it.

So, yeah, therapy, not my thing. And, yes, this blog will at times stray into self-reflection or veer off into some personal growth. Can't be helped. I will occasionally try to pull together something witty, or pass along some nugget from Viva. Bear with me. I am a work in progress.

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