Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

I promise that tomorrow I will write a post that will knock. Your. Socks. Off. Blow. Your. Mind. And the like.

But today, I am busy writing my Christmas thank you notes (it being nearly a month since Christmas. Whee, I am so very on top of things), so I am falling back on, well, my fallback position, to wit: Viva la Vivaisms!

Here are some random things Viva has said recently. I feel no need to provide context.

1. That is not incredible.

2. Knock it off, door!

3. Who let the dorms out? Hoop, hoop, hoop!

4. Momma, I want to be fancy!

And here are some recent exchanges, with a little context for variety.

This morning, 7 AM. Viva still in the bed.

Viva: I thought you were my daddy. But now I’m mad.
Mama: You’re mad because Daddy didn’t come to wake you up?
Viva: I’m mad because I DON’T LIKE YOU.


We are driving into our parking garage and stop to let someone pass. I smile and say hello.

Viva: Who’s that?
Mama: I don’t know his name, he’s some friend of [our neighbor]’s. You’ve seen him before.
Viva: You said hi to him. What’s his name?
Mama: I don’t know. What do you think his name is?
Viva: Zindazap.


Viva [at the dinner table]: I’m finished. Can I get down?
Sweet Wills: Okay, if you're done.
Viva [five minutes later]: Where’s my food?
Mama: You said you were finished, so I put your food away.
Viva [instantaneous tears]: I’m still HUNGRY!
Mama: Wait a minute, I’m not playing that game. You said you were finished, so I put your food away. And now it’s time to take your shower. [Shrill “I am totally losing my shit” screaming commences.] I need to wash your hair. But after you take your shower, you can sit down in front of the TV and have some more food while I do your hair.
Viva: Oh. [happily] Can I watch A Shark Tale?
Mama: Yes, fine, okay. After your shower.
Viva: But I don’t want to take a shower. Or a bath.
Mama: I understand. But you didn’t take one yesterday, so take a quick one right now and then you can have your –
Viva: I DON’T WANT TO TAKE A SHOWER! [Crying and screaming re-commence.]
Mama: Mother of GOD.
Viva [twenty minutes later]: Where’s my food?
Mama: Can I dry you off first?
Viva: Are we gonna watch the movie?
Mama: Yes, let me get your pajamas on.
Viva: I’m thirsty. Can I have a drink?
Mama: Hang on, I’m microwaving your food.
Viva: Oh, thanks. Where’s my drink?
Mama: Here it is.
Viva: What happened to the movie?
Mama: Hold on, I’m getting it.
Viva: Mmm, good [chewing]. I’m hungry. Can I have some more?
Mama: Hang on.
Viva: I don’t like this movie.
Mama: [head explodes]

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